Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Change the Way you React [or Not React] to Someone Else's Negative Behavior and Change the Outcome to a More Positive One

If it ain't working, then Change it...
Is there someone who always acts in a specific negative way that makes you feel uncomfortable?

It could be their way of dealing w/ a specific issue or situation.

Like if you both disagree, then this person gets in a huff, you see it on their face, they shut down, they want to change the subject.
Or they go the other way...they get obnoxious, their voice gets really loud, you can see it on their face?
Or you fill in the blank...
But whatever it is, it makes you feel uncomfortable.

NOTE: I am not talking about abusive situations where someone physically or emotionally harms you and you feel threatened in anyway...such as w/ your spouse, partner, boy/girlfriend, parent you live with. In this type of situation, You Need professional help. I highly recommend if you are in This type of Abusive relationship, Please Go and See a Therapist and get professional help from them. Or call your local domestic violence agency [Google it] or call the police or if you feel safe..leave.

What do you do?
Well, you can continue doing what you're doing in response.
But, I bet that's not working bc it's a cycle...a routine pattern...that you both do.
This means you both will be doing this over and over.


Change the way YOU respond to their patten response.
And, then see what happens.
This may take some may have to try different things and you determine if it gets the result you want.

Why do I have to "change"?
Well, you're getting yourself OUT of the cycle. So that's a good thing.
And, you know from experience, You'll be holding your breath if you wait for them to change theirs on their own.
But, if you change how you react, then this may start a chain reaction and cause their reaction/non-reaction to change.

So, when they "shut down" and they make it clear they're "upset" w/ you and the topic or situation, You STOP, Think, and React or Don't react to them in a Different way.  And, then see what happens.

If you normally start "shutting down" also bc you are uncomfortable with where this is all going and don't want things to escalate, then instead Say something Positive or in some cases something Direct. And see what happens...

If you normally React a certain yell, or start talking alot or placate them like apologizing when you're Not wrong but just want Peace...aka you react, Then do it in a normal tone, inform them how this situation is making you feel, or don't talk at all and stand there and see what happen

You probably already know the "hotspots".
So, before you and that person get into Round 2, think about a different way you will react. Then, when you are in the situation, TRY IT OUT. See what happens. Not getting the result you want? Then, think of Another Way to handle it and do That Next time.
Like I'll take some finagling.

How do you know what makes you feel uncomfortable?
When you think about it aLOT afterwards and wish that person wouldn't react or not react that way OR you feel stifled and wish you said get the picture.

Here's my example...
My mom and I are sometimes [or a lot of times] like oil and water. We have this pattern where we can be talking 1 minute and the next minute we are arguing about something stupid and the conversation sounds like this... "why did you say that to me", "no I didn't", "Yes, you did", "You're too sensitive...I never said that", "I wish I recorded this so you can hear yourself", etc etc about a vicious cycle that goes nowhere. This happens also when she starts asking me a lot of questions and if I answer her...this inevitably leads to her nitpicking on something I said...which leads to us "getting into it" over the phone.

Recently, I decided to change the way we communicated bc I knew she wouldn't. When I have a "feeling" that we are going into that mode of "crazy" talk, I Stop myself from reacting to whatever she said that "bugs me", and just tell her "I don't want to talk about this". And miracles beyond worked! She immediately says "OK" and we move on. World War 3, 4, & 5 has been averted...all humans on this planet are still alive.

Think of it this way....if something doesn't work, then Do NOT do it. Try something else and see what happens. Life sometimes is a lot like Groundhog Day [with Bill Murray] where you feel like you've been here before...ugh, yeah, 'cause you have.

So, give it a different try and see what happens.
You will be pleasantly surprised when you see the outcome is way better than before.

Peace out my fellow "Happiness Seekers"...peace out. ( :

If you find my posts helpful, please "Like" my Facebook Page  Stacy Cheng SuzukiCoach

Monday, November 18, 2013

You are Not your Bad Decision...Got it? Now, Give yourself a Hug and a Break

You are NOT your "bad" decision...

We all have done it right? Made hindsight..."bad choice".
And then we dwell upon it.
Replay like a broken record the incident leading up to our "bad choice' over and over and over again.
Sound familiar?
You are Human.
You are Not alone.
Every single Person on this planet has made "bad choices".

What can you do to stop yourself from beating yourself up?
Give yourself a break. And, a Big Hug.
You're probably kinder to other folks than you are to yourself, right?
You've forgiven even strangers for worse stuff than you are whipping yourself for, right?
Remember....You are a vulnerable caring person give yourself a Break.

There are No bad or good decisions.
There are only choices which take you one way or the other.
It's part of your Lesson here on earth in this Lifetime.
You goofed up? Said the wrong thing? Did the wrong thing? or didn't say or didn't do the right thing?
This is your Lesson.
Do Not replay it in your head.
From this lesson, the Next time, you'll choose the other path.

And the choice you made that you felt was a "bad one", what do I do, you ask?
Learn from it. That's all. Then let it go...and Move on.
One foot in front of the other.
One day at a time.
That's what being Human is all about.
Not getting it "right", Not getting it "wrong".
Living and learning and moving forward towards the Light.

Yes, you can do it grasshopper.
Like you, I'm learning this lesson All the time.
I'm learning to get rid of that record player and put on some walking shoes because I've got a lot of miles to go.
Let's go there together.

Peace out my fellow "Just Wanna Be Happy" friends...Peace out. ( :

If you find my posts helpful, please "Like" my Facebook Page  Stacy Cheng SuzukiCoach


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